Apple’s Glad I Met You Chinese New Year film is technically flawless, strategically calculated, and emotionally engineered—everything wrong with marketing in 2026. Beneath eleven minutes of stop-motion puppets and 4K slow motion lies a masterclass in manipulation: the “Shot on iPhone” campaign pretends technology democratises creativity whilst requiring multi-million-dollar budgets and professional crews. Slow motion manufactures emotion through neuroscience. Pet-focused narratives exploit market data. Stop-motion signals authenticity whilst remaining entirely beholden to corporate imperatives. The craft is real. The authenticity is not. As brand trust collapses and consumers hit peak exhaustion from overproduced sentiment, Apple’s film reveals the precise pathology killing modern marketing. This is what happens when brands perfect the art of engineering emotion whilst pretending they’re simply telling stories. In 2026, perfection is the problem.